Trauma Recovery Journals: March 28, 2022

March 28, 2022

I talked to my friend from an institution for like three hours the other night. It was a very hard conversation and a validating one. It was a conversation I needed. It really was as bad as I remember. After we spoke, there was so much adrenaline in my body that I was just shaking, trembling, and shivering. The same thing happened when I had to testify in court a few months ago.

PTSD is a sneaky, scary, confusing, complex thing. It seems impossible to understand or figure out. It feels like PTSD is always one step ahead of me and I just can’t get in front or ahead of it. I have also been struggling so much with relaxing. Like, if I’m not being productive in some way at all times, I don’t feel right. I get anxious, restless, and uncomfortable.

I also did not expect moving to be as hard as it was, but it was very hard for me. It makes sense, given the other eight times I moved were horribly traumatic, but I did it!

I am grateful for my new home, books, community, courage, strength, and hope!

I am beautiful!

I am smart!

I am strong!

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To be honest, being vulnerable and putting my heart on the line by sharing my private journal entries publicly on heard + felt feels scary. It also feels like the next best thing for me to do is to pass along the gift I needed during my healing and to honor the progress I have made in my trauma recovery. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! Remember to like + follow heard + felt for more!